Enough of playing with toys.
Lets move on.
http://kkayy.tumblr.com/

Here i am, stuck in a rut again.
In this pattern of shoving those yummy(but fattening all the same) food down my throat.
I am not sure if this form of escapism is my way of proclaiming frustation, because the stomach has got a filling sensation and much of it turns out to be guilt.
The unsightly bulge is turning me off, as i twist and turned about, wishing for it to all go off.
This is not the normal me for sure, for one i do love eating and couldnt really be much bothered by all this.
Right now, i just feel really ugly and fat, quite a useless and unmotivated person as i while away my precious time.again, and again, even though i could not afford any.
No one truly know and understand what kind of a shithole i am in now, no?

All i know is that i am, and have been slowly makin progress over the past one week or so.
Its not much, but at least its a start because no one can accept a change 360 degree out of nowhere, can they?
Something has been taunting me but i try not to be too affected.
What i want now is more change and hopefully time to accomplish what i had set out to achieve 2 and a half years back.

"I dont like to lose. Never did."

Finally it seems as though the impact has set in. Only now do you question, how did you let it come to this state.
The anxiety attacks, the breathing difficulties, the depression.
Like i need any of that now.

Did you ever know?

As i looked over at the group of guys playing soccer on the field, i gave a little smile.
Did you ever know that i have snippets of images in my mind, the husband is out playing football with the little one while i hid from the hideous weather, reading a book at home, awaiting their return. Both with soccer outfit and socks high up their knees, pretty much like those professionals. I guess they looked cute like that, especially the small one with those tiny arms and legs, chasing after the ball. They would always return sweaty and soiled, with their goofy wide grins. I would pout a little at their mishevelled looks and give them both a big hug before ushering them to the bathroom. That would be how we always spend our sundays, only i would force the both of them to join me for a big Continental breakfast in the morning and i would be happily sipping my English breakfast tea.

Black and White.
Skinny and smokin'.
Pixie cut, pale skin.
You can be sexy without revealing any.
I heart this.

Out of kindness and concern, and i became the reason.
Why, everything else is forgotten and ouch, now the end is clear.
My words are turned against me, and why do you have to listen?
And why am i here?
Oh dear, there is nothing else i can say.
Nothing much to explain.
Sorry all evidence and lies are pretty much gone now, because you didnt think before you act.

I am going off to find some love now, seeing that i had been "lonely and jealous" and yes, i will also make sure to take a "look in the mirror" before i go.
All puns are very much intended.
That will be all you would see of me.
Goodbye!

So i have got scars on my legs.
Bruises on my arms.
I can even name all the people whom had indirectly inflicted them on me.
I am a klutz, i am clumsy, but i dont care.
Now, the burn mark on my hand is something i cant stand.
I like my hand and fingers pretty much completed with the nicely lacquered-on polish, thank you.
The throat's hurting and i feel like i could cough a puddle of blood out anytime.
Do i have H1N1 influenza?

It doesnt help that the weather is so disgustingly hot.
Nor the fact that my wonderful holiday is ending itself soon and i am not quite ready for exams, yet.

He say, she say, they say, i say.
When human relations becomes tangled and complicated, we all get embroiled into the confusion.
What would take top priority?

Truth.
Happiness.
Wealth.
Power.
Fame.
Beauty.
Knowledge.
Love.

Some say ignorance is bliss, some stones are better left unturned.
And there is even a happiness that makes the heart afraid. -Thomas Hood
Wealth is the slave of a wise man, the master of a fool.
Which one are you?
With power comes great responsibilties. How do you handle that?
What is fame? The advantage of being known by people of whom you yourself know nothing, and for whom you care as little. -Stanislaus
At the end of the day, it all comes to nought.
Beauty is essentially meaningless and it is always transitory. -Halle Berry
Knowledge comes, but wisdom lingers.
He is not a lover, who does not love forever- Euripides

What is it in life you seek?
When things are so difficult, what i would like to do is curl up under my blanket on that soft bed of mine to hide.
Now, u all know where to find me.

There is one thing alone that stands the brunt of life throughout its course: a quiet conscience.
-Euripides